{Bittersweet}

I could sit here and tell you all day how much it has SUCKED not being able to continue my marathon training for the last three weeks. I could tell you that I feel like a lump on a log and I am green with envy for every passing runner that I spy on the road. I could tell you that I was jealous the last couple weekends watching my family and friends bike in the Best Dam Bike ride for MS and missing out on the alumni run. I could go into detail of all the bitterness I feel about being immobile, unable, weak, nonproductive… motionless… static. I am just not where I wanted to be at this point in training.

Apparently this injury has been “interesting”… ask the three doctors, PT and the many medical friends I have conversed with regarding this rigmarole over the last three weeks. One softball to the shin and although it felt like it was healing three days later… it was really just the calm before the storm. The hematoma on my shin drained blood into my ankle. There was no defying gravity there! This pooling blood locked up my joint mobility and made pressure {just standing up} on my right leg extremely painful. The way the PT explained it: the ankle was swelling due to the blood taking up a lot more space than what is naturally there – and all the joints and ligaments were not really sure what to do so it basically shut down the limb on an impulse to deal with the unexpected company.

Not like I need an ankle to walk or anything, right?

So here is am, reflecting on this unpleasant situation. Maybe, I could have avoided this with better attention to the healing process or maybe I should have listened to my husband about seeing a doctor before my walking was disrupted, and so I have learned. Should have, would have, could have – who knows, but I have learned not to push healing. It is an act of patience, which I have very little of, but an act I need to practice more often.

Would you believe me if I told you that the sweet undertones of this storm came out like crashing waves and filled these bitter black holes?

• Officially, had my very first appointment with a Physical Therapist, who changed my life. I know some PTs on a personal level, I hear awesome stories about their powers and now, I have had the pleasure of experiencing PT for myself. I am changed forever, for the better. His number one focus is mine: getting back to marathon training in a jiffy! He also made me realize how lucky I have been – never needing to see a PT until the ripe age of 30. Just kidding, he called me “young” but lucky for the long “in-good-health” history I own, nonetheless.
• People are awesome. Yes, I know most of the time we joke about how much people suck, but when you have family, friends and CO-WORKERS like mine… People. Are. Awesome. The support, flexibility and encouragement to heal has been unreal. I cannot say thank you enough for all of it.
• I am more than a bum leg. I couldn’t be a good wife. I couldn’t be a productive mom. I couldn’t be a runner or a biker. There were times I felt like I couldn’t be a superstar employee, co-worker or friend, but through some amazing advice from one of them – I am learning that I am more than an injury. Remove the focus from the CAN’T and put energy into the CAN. Harder said than done – but great advice and mentality when dealing with an injury.
• An act of kindness goes A LONG WAY. I was the recipient of an amazing act of kindness that has motivated me to perform ONE {out of my way} RANDOM {non-celebrated, non-talked about, anonymous} act of kindness a week for someone in need. A co-worker was feeling bad that I wasn’t running yet and she left a personal note of motivation and encouragement on my desk. Along with it she left a tank top that says: LOVE TO RUN. I was overjoyed that she thought of me. I am determined to be MORE thoughtful like her.
• Progress is more important than perfection. As the days pass and the pain fades away I feel more reward in the progress than ever before. With marathon training, I tend to want everything to be perfect. Perfect plan, perfect execution, perfect discipline and perfect results. It is so far from that. I will need to repeat this mantra once I get back into training. Progress is more important than perfection. EVERYONE I ask informs me that these few weeks on the sideline will not hurt me on race day – but my perfectionism is really creeping in. How can I finish a marathon if I have already failed the plan?

PROGRESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTION.

Mind over body.

Adventure and challenge await.

I practice patience for the green light.

I smell the day when this bittersweet feeling sweats away with a long productive run.